Why I voted NO on Prop 8

Initially, I wasn’t even going to vote on this particular prop because I have many torn thoughts regarding marriage altogether (which I never thought I would have… I used to really want to be married – but with the cohabitation norm, I’m not really seeing how marriage makes anything “significant” or “exclusive” – the point is to nurture the “love” on a daily basis, and this happens without having a wedding. Moreover, it is weird that humans feel the need to marry – to hold that celebration. Quails (the bird, that is) choose life partners, they know this is the situation, their quail buddies know it, and it works. Why does it have to be different for humans?

But, as I kept seeing more and more “Yes on Prop 8” signs, I realized that I could not let my personal feelings about marriage possibly prevent others from partaking in that ritual HOWEVER it is defined.

As for the marital definitions:

For some, it is a religious event. Fine. Let it be that for YOU (why must it be that way for everyone? I get the whole absolute “Truth” thing – and the concern that if someone does not adhere to your particular way of life, then your Truth is threatened and others will be led down some evil path. I will say – there are greater evils than others. And the one you may be considering when it comes to Prop 8 isn’t even (necessarily) a choice for some people whereas there are “sins” out there that are very conscious efforts. Why not focus on those? Most importantly, why not focus on the ones you commit?

For some, it is just a romantic idea where the girl gets to be a princess and the guy gets to be a prince (now, figuratively speaking) and you ride off in a limo into the sunset. Great, but you’ve probably got a wake up call headed your way.

For others, it is simply an outward expression of your dedication to ONE person for LIFE (this is where I really feel pessimistic about the whole thing – American culture, specifically, does not seem conducive to successful relationship building as it is with our ME culture and lack of high expectations for each other and our own selves). But if you want to take that leap, who am I to stop you? The “you” that is a consenting adult (for all those that think: oh no, this will pave the way for child marriage and dog marriage and tree marriage…) Please. We’re still dealing with two consenting adults in this situation.

For others, it is a structure. It is a foundation for family. Tough one because, biologically speaking, we all know how babies are made BUT, biology aside, when I learned about a single woman spreading her legs without care (she had already had eight children with different fathers), and that the child currently in her care was not bathed, was left alone while she went to go get drunk, and that a loving and responsible lesbian couple was willing to adopt this poor child – this “traditional structure” argument falls to pieces for me. I’ve seen plenty of heterosexual couples (married or not) that, in no way, represent the ideal marriage nor provide adequate structure for children (ahem, those who stick their children in FUCKING day care (and as NEWBORNS even) – oh yeah, that’s structure (rolls eyes).

I was sent the YouTube that supposedly explains Prop 8 in plain English using stick figures for neighbors. I found it interesting that the particular video eased the conscience of the viewer in making a decision to vote “yes” because CA has a clause that gives domestic partners of the same sex rights. Why would the viewer need this golden nugget of information to make them breathe a sigh of relief as they mark that “YES”? Is it because, deep down, they know that homosexuals deserve the happiness that they would potentially rob from them by voting yes? So they need to be made to feel better about doing it? “Phew, I can vote yes because my gay neighbors are still given SOMETHING. It’s not marriage, but it’s SOMETHING and they deserve at least SOMETHING” – If that really is the case, then why don’t they deserve MARRIAGE? UGH.

Another piece of propaganda that I was exposed to was that people were concerned about teaching children about gay marriage in school. I’m concerned that marriage would be taught to children at ALL in a school. (Schools really need to get back to the basics, if you ask me.) I realize the problem with my argument here: if parents teach their children that gay marriage is wrong, then how will we advance the situation? How will children gain a perspective with which to make a sound decision?

First, the school should not be the end all be all for sound instruction. We need to expect parents to teach their OWN children – and not exempt them from this responsibility by putting it on the school.

Second, I don’t know that any issue is exempt from bias – I was taught to be a Catholic and that Catholicism is the ONLY way. But I’m not a Catholic today. So, it can happen that children will end up making decisions for themselves. Teaching them HOW to examine an issue is most valuable and is thanks to critical thinking (which IS something schools should teach! Where is the “logic” component to our instruction anymore?)

It seems to me that the other side of the issue is human socialization. Schools are a part of socialization, as are all other institutions. I heard on KFI about the demographics involved in the “Yes” votes, many of which included older people. I think this plays a huge part in the lack of acceptance of homosexuality. There are a few generations of people (religious or not) that were raised in a culture that had very strict gender expectations (woman at home, man at work), while homosexuality was also considered a mental illness and was listed in the DSM. These ideas get implanted on a social scale and only time can change them – clearly, the time is not yet now – but it IS on its way to changing.

So, though I am not exactly excited about marriage, and I simply cannot understand what it is like to be a homosexual, I could not allow my limited perspective prevent loving people from engaging in an act that is supposed to represent LOVE – and how truly lucky ANYONE is if they really believe they have found it.

A sad day for love, though, because we humans cannot allow others to feel it or show it if it doesn’t fit a certain mold. I don’t know about you – but I know that I am truly capable of loving my female friends. True, it isn’t a sexual love, but it IS LOVE.

And loving was what humans were supposed to be capable of… but so much for that.